Friday, November 10, 2017

Things I wish I could tell my younger self -- No.1

Dear, my younger self

You will discover a lot of new things when you grow up. You may like some and hate some, but remember to always be true to yourself.
Please, remember that you don't have to like what everybody else's liking and you don't have to hate what they're hating. People see beautiful things differently so you don't have to try so hard to fit in.
Please, don't be afraid to be different.
Please, don't be afraid to be unique.
You will never influence the world by trying to be like it.

a slightly older you.

Tuesday, October 24, 2017

Vanilla sky.

It's okay, you know -- to take a pause.
To stop for a moment.
Paying attention to small yet beautiful things around you that you haven't had a chance to notice.
Like sitting on a rooftop, breathing in the sunset.
Admiring how the sky changes color so beautifully.

then purple,
and a little bit of orange and peach in the horizon.

And the pink clouds. The soft pink clouds.

The sky must tastes sweet like vanilla.

Enjoy it while it lasts and be grateful.
Take this time to comprehend
that the good things in life aren't things.

Saturday, August 26, 2017

It's her life.

everyday she sees her life
in fade away, and pass her by
what can she do
what can she do

lives in dreams and self-told lies
she saw world through jaded eyes
what can she do
what can she do

(pieces of lyrics from Two Feet's song, Her Life,
which kind of describing my life right at this moment.
Final project deadline is coming, people.)

Tuesday, August 15, 2017

Photograph: A door to the past.

So last June, when I went back to Kalimantan for Eid, I found a film camera (Espio 80v) hanging around and unused. There was already a film loaded but only a few were used. I think I've already used it in the past but I forgot and left it in Kalimantan. So I took some more photos to test out the camera. Then I developed the film. Most of the photos turn out blank and the colors are faded because of the expired film, but there are a few that actually turn to decent photographs. 4 of them are photographs of my mother and father. For a split second I felt my heart ache a little before warm fuzzies rushed in. My eyes are suddenly teary. Maybe because I miss them so much and those photos cured my longing for a little bit. Eventhough it's blurry and the color's all faded and grainy, I really love it.

Those photos make me realize that it's already one and a half year since my father passed away and he's still my number one motivation. I can't see him anymore but these photographs open the door to the past. That's the great thing about photography, it freezes moments. Seeing those photos at a time like this is like a little surprise from Allah. While I do my final project, there are times when I feel really down and everything seems so hard. The closer I am to my bachelor degree, the bigger pressure I got. So these photos are like a reminder for me to always try my best like my parents always did for me. Bismillah.

Sunday, July 30, 2017

We are more than just 'pretty face'.

I was in the middle of doing my final project when someone suddenly sent me an instagram direct message. The message goes like this,
"Mbaa, kalo udah lulus kerja di tempat saya ya? Lagi butuh arsitek nih. Syaratnya cantik. Masuk kategori mba mah. Gimana minat kan?"

"Hey there, would you like to work in my office once you graduated? Our office needs an architect. The requirement is that she has to be pretty. You sure fit in the category. Are you interested?"

in which I reply,
"Kalo syaratnya cuma berdasarkan cantik atau enggaknya, saya ga tertarik :)"

"If the requirements are only judged by the face appearance, I'm not interested :)" (of course the sarcastic smiley face should be in it)

and he replied,
"Becanda mbaa haha"

"I'm just kidding haha"

One, if that was a joke, your joke is terrible.
Two, if that was meant to be a pick up line, you won't be able to find a date even in a million years.

Let me get this straight. If you think you can make a girl's heart flutter just by saying her face is pretty, you are wrong. That, up there, is not romantic at all but rather disrespectful. Us, women, girls, are more than just our physical appearances. This is 2017 for God's sake. We go to school. We go to universities. We can choose to be who we want to be. We are not properties to pleasure men's eye. We have much more value than just THAT. If you plan to hire someone just so you can look at her pretty face all day, just hire a mannequin. It's pretty, you can look at it all day and it won't protest a single bit. 

To all young girls out there, let me tell you something. If some boys tell you that you are pretty, don't fall for it. Pretty is such a lazy way to describe your value. You are a lot more. For example, maybe you are smart, you are caring, or you are strong, maybe you are a good listener, your fashion sense is on point, your drawing skill is amazing, you are a good speaker, or maybe your voice is so sweet when you sing, you have a good artistic sense, you have a good leadership skill, you are more than just 'pretty face'.
Always remember that.

I'm sorry but this thing really pisses me off.
Anyway, good night.

Monday, April 24, 2017

Recharging Myself.

I think I'll always find another reason to procrastinate and not doing my final project.

Saturday, March 25, 2017

Current favorite tunes.

Life updates: I'm back from KKN life and have been dealing with reality ever since a.k.a my final project. 

It's kind of frustrating though. I don't know why but I think I still need to do a lot of research. My mind is all over the place but I know I will get through this. #Optimism.

I admit, the hardest part of the day is to kick up from the bed and set my mood up to start doing my final project. I spent hours and hours just to get the right mood. Recently, I realize that I actually gain more focus when I drink coffee even though I got stomachache afterwards, but yeah, coffee helps. The other thing is music. Choosing the right music sometimes can also help to set the mood. Because for me, there's some type of music that can ruin your focus. For example, Adele's songs. Every time I hear Adele's songs playing, I have to sing along and it makes me so hard to focus.

By the way, do you want me to make a playlist? Well, either you want it or not, I'm showing you anyway.

And here are my top 5 songs that I've been loving at the moment!

1. Carla Bruni - L'amour

No, I don't speak French at all. I don't even understand a single word she says. But that is one of the main reason why I hear this song while doing my final project. The words of the song don't distract me at all. 

2. Conan Gray - Idle Town

I subscribed to Conan's Channel not too long ago because I like his vlogs and turns out he also have an amazing voice. Currently he just launched a song that he created and, boy, that tunes is awesome.

3. Childish Gambino - Redbone

As soon as I hear the intro, I fell in love.

4. In Love With A Ghost - We've never met, but can we have a coffee or something?

First of all, can we all take a moment to appreciate the title of this song, please?!?! I don't know about you but I find it really cute and romantic but it's also sad at the same time? I don't know but I really really like the title. It's a relaxing, instrumental type of songs. Suitable for your study-related activities, or just for enjoying your slow Sunday morning with a cup of tea.

5. KREAM ft. Carla Mae - Taped Up Heart (Acoustic)

Suitable for rainy days, with blankets and socks on, mourning over a heartbreak which you don't have.

And that's it for this post because I have to get back to my final project. See you on the next post!


Tuesday, January 10, 2017

Welcoming the year of chicken and fried egg.

Well it's actually rooster but you know what I mean. Anyway, HAPPY NEW YEAR Y'ALL!

2016 was a tough year for me, even from the start. You all know that, I shared some of my journey with you guys in this blog too. 2016 has taught me a lot of essential things in life through its ups and downs. I feel blessed nonetheless. I am grateful for all the things that happened to me, whether they're good or bad.

Seeing how 2016 went, my resolutions for this year is to "worry less" because honestly speaking, I started this year by overthinking and worrying a little bit too much. I happen to think a lot about the future recently. I assume it's because I'm entering the age of adulthood so maybe I'm in some kind of a state where we question a lot about life and the future (but idk, do you?). The main thing is, the blurriness and the uncertainty of the future scare the hell out of me and that's the problem because no one knows how the future looks like or how it's going to be and worrying about it will take longer than forever. You waste a lot of time and energy by just thinking and worrying about it, plus it won't do any good for your future either. So sit back and relax. Set goals, make lists, do what you have to do, get done anything that have to be done, but don't forget to take rests sometimes because your mind and body deserve it-- don't too much, though.

I actually write this post as a reminder for myself but it I think it can be helpful for some of you too. I know it's not a really typical cheerful-new-year post to begin with but I hope we can all have a really great year ahead! Let's make happy memories!

ps: I'm going to Belitung tomorrow for KKN. I wasn't really excited about going because I was sick (diarrhea ew) but I'm better now so hopefully it will all be okay. Will be gone for 6 weeks so see you on the next post!