Saturday, December 9, 2017

A quarter life crisis.

A quote I stumbled on Tumblr that I find 100% relatable at the moment:

I don't know how I will survive the rest of my life with a mind like mine.

I honestly think that I'm entering the stage of life where I'm questioning about my whole existence.Who am I? What am I? What is my purpose in this whole universe? How to survive? Even more, with a mind like mine?
I mean, sometimes I like to look at people and I find something good about them. Their value. One of my friend is really smart, brave and has a good way of logical thinking. My other friend really knows how to take care of herself and other's. The other one is really good at communicating, has a great leadership value, social sensitivity and so on. But I don't know about myself.
I always think that myself is complicated. I even sometimes don't understand myself or what I'm thinking. My mind is a mess and I can't find someone with a mind as messy as I am. If only I could ask my future self on what to do with life and how to survive...
but it doesn't work that way, honey.
So for now I'll just keep on trying and let these storm pass. I believe that God has a plan, and my questions in this chapter of life will be answered in the next. One day, this post will be something to laugh at. Because this quarter life crisis, too, shall pass.

Thank you for being here and listening to (well, reading) my random rambles.
u da best.

And here is a poem by Rumi to close this post tonight.

Do you think I know what I'm doing?
That for one breath or half-breath I belong to myself?
As much as a pen knows what it's writing,
or the ball can guess where it's going next.

Friday, November 10, 2017

Things I wish I could tell my younger self -- No.1

Dear, my younger self

You will discover a lot of new things when you grow up. You may like some and hate some, but remember to always be true to yourself.
Please, remember that you don't have to like what everybody else's liking and you don't have to hate what they're hating. People see beautiful things differently so you don't have to try so hard to fit in.
Please, don't be afraid to be different.
Please, don't be afraid to be unique.
You will never influence the world by trying to be like it.

a slightly older you.

Tuesday, October 24, 2017

Vanilla sky.

It's okay, you know -- to take a pause.
To stop for a moment.
Paying attention to small yet beautiful things around you that you haven't had a chance to notice.
Like sitting on a rooftop, breathing in the sunset.
Admiring how the sky changes color so beautifully.

then purple,
and a little bit of orange and peach in the horizon.

And the pink clouds. The soft pink clouds.

The sky must tastes sweet like vanilla.

Enjoy it while it lasts and be grateful.
Take this time to comprehend
that the good things in life aren't things.

Saturday, August 26, 2017

It's her life.

everyday she sees her life
in fade away, and pass her by
what can she do
what can she do

lives in dreams and self-told lies
she saw world through jaded eyes
what can she do
what can she do

(pieces of lyrics from Two Feet's song, Her Life,
which kind of describing my life right at this moment.
Final project deadline is coming, people.)

Tuesday, August 15, 2017

Photograph: A door to the past.

So last June, when I went back to Kalimantan for Eid, I found a film camera (Espio 80v) hanging around and unused. There was already a film loaded but only a few were used. I think I've already used it in the past but I forgot and left it in Kalimantan. So I took some more photos to test out the camera. Then I developed the film. Most of the photos turn out blank and the colors are faded because of the expired film, but there are a few that actually turn to decent photographs. 4 of them are photographs of my mother and father. For a split second I felt my heart ache a little before warm fuzzies rushed in. My eyes are suddenly teary. Maybe because I miss them so much and those photos cured my longing for a little bit. Eventhough it's blurry and the color's all faded and grainy, I really love it.

Those photos make me realize that it's already one and a half year since my father passed away and he's still my number one motivation. I can't see him anymore but these photographs open the door to the past. That's the great thing about photography, it freezes moments. Seeing those photos at a time like this is like a little surprise from Allah. While I do my final project, there are times when I feel really down and everything seems so hard. The closer I am to my bachelor degree, the bigger pressure I got. So these photos are like a reminder for me to always try my best like my parents always did for me. Bismillah.

Sunday, July 30, 2017

We are more than just 'pretty face'.

I was in the middle of doing my final project when someone suddenly sent me an instagram direct message. The message goes like this,
"Mbaa, kalo udah lulus kerja di tempat saya ya? Lagi butuh arsitek nih. Syaratnya cantik. Masuk kategori mba mah. Gimana minat kan?"

"Hey there, would you like to work in my office once you graduated? Our office needs an architect. The requirement is that she has to be pretty. You sure fit in the category. Are you interested?"

in which I reply,
"Kalo syaratnya cuma berdasarkan cantik atau enggaknya, saya ga tertarik :)"

"If the requirements are only judged by the face appearance, I'm not interested :)" (of course the sarcastic smiley face should be in it)

and he replied,
"Becanda mbaa haha"

"I'm just kidding haha"

One, if that was a joke, your joke is terrible.
Two, if that was meant to be a pick up line, you won't be able to find a date even in a million years.

Let me get this straight. If you think you can make a girl's heart flutter just by saying her face is pretty, you are wrong. That, up there, is not romantic at all but rather disrespectful. Us, women, girls, are more than just our physical appearances. This is 2017 for God's sake. We go to school. We go to universities. We can choose to be who we want to be. We are not properties to pleasure men's eye. We have much more value than just THAT. If you plan to hire someone just so you can look at her pretty face all day, just hire a mannequin. It's pretty, you can look at it all day and it won't protest a single bit. 

To all young girls out there, let me tell you something. If some boys tell you that you are pretty, don't fall for it. Pretty is such a lazy way to describe your value. You are a lot more. For example, maybe you are smart, you are caring, or you are strong, maybe you are a good listener, your fashion sense is on point, your drawing skill is amazing, you are a good speaker, or maybe your voice is so sweet when you sing, you have a good artistic sense, you have a good leadership skill, you are more than just 'pretty face'.
Always remember that.

I'm sorry but this thing really pisses me off.
Anyway, good night.

Monday, April 24, 2017

Recharging Myself.

I think I'll always find another reason to procrastinate and not doing my final project.

Saturday, March 25, 2017

Current favorite tunes.

Life updates: I'm back from KKN life and have been dealing with reality ever since a.k.a my final project. 

It's kind of frustrating though. I don't know why but I think I still need to do a lot of research. My mind is all over the place but I know I will get through this. #Optimism.

I admit, the hardest part of the day is to kick up from the bed and set my mood up to start doing my final project. I spent hours and hours just to get the right mood. Recently, I realize that I actually gain more focus when I drink coffee even though I got stomachache afterwards, but yeah, coffee helps. The other thing is music. Choosing the right music sometimes can also help to set the mood. Because for me, there's some type of music that can ruin your focus. For example, Adele's songs. Every time I hear Adele's songs playing, I have to sing along and it makes me so hard to focus.

By the way, do you want me to make a playlist? Well, either you want it or not, I'm showing you anyway.

And here are my top 5 songs that I've been loving at the moment!

1. Carla Bruni - L'amour

No, I don't speak French at all. I don't even understand a single word she says. But that is one of the main reason why I hear this song while doing my final project. The words of the song don't distract me at all. 

2. Conan Gray - Idle Town

I subscribed to Conan's Channel not too long ago because I like his vlogs and turns out he also have an amazing voice. Currently he just launched a song that he created and, boy, that tunes is awesome.

3. Childish Gambino - Redbone

As soon as I hear the intro, I fell in love.

4. In Love With A Ghost - We've never met, but can we have a coffee or something?

First of all, can we all take a moment to appreciate the title of this song, please?!?! I don't know about you but I find it really cute and romantic but it's also sad at the same time? I don't know but I really really like the title. It's a relaxing, instrumental type of songs. Suitable for your study-related activities, or just for enjoying your slow Sunday morning with a cup of tea.

5. KREAM ft. Carla Mae - Taped Up Heart (Acoustic)

Suitable for rainy days, with blankets and socks on, mourning over a heartbreak which you don't have.

And that's it for this post because I have to get back to my final project. See you on the next post!