Monday, February 12, 2018

Porcelaine Skin.

I realise it's been a long time since I last post my drawings or paintings on my blog. So here it is, a drawing of a victorian beauty. I drew this for skin colour study.

Saturday, February 10, 2018

Life updates.

Another year, another adventure.

A quick life updates;
After graduating and drifting in life don't know where to go, I decided to take my time and spend my time in Kalimantan with my Mom. I want to spend more time with her because I think this is the best time while I plan my next step in life. After all, she is all I have.
Also, this year I begin bullet journaling and trying to be committed to it because usually it only lasted for a week. But it's been a month and it's still going. I really want to be more organised and so far I really love it! This year I also want to be healthy so I begin to exercise regularly, even if it's 10 minutes a day.
So yep, I am enjoying life and learning so much more new things. I have so many ideas and plans to develop, I think I'll burst out of excitements! And while we wait for that, here is a little glimpse of my 2017 that I put together to a video. Enjoy!

Saturday, December 9, 2017

A quarter life crisis.

A quote I stumbled on Tumblr that I find 100% relatable at the moment:

I don't know how I will survive the rest of my life with a mind like mine.

I honestly think that I'm entering the stage of life where I'm questioning about my whole existence.Who am I? What am I? What is my purpose in this whole universe? How to survive? Even more, with a mind like mine?
I mean, sometimes I like to look at people and I find something good about them. Their value. One of my friend is really smart, brave and has a good way of logical thinking. My other friend really knows how to take care of herself and other's. The other one is really good at communicating, has a great leadership value, social sensitivity and so on. But I don't know about myself.
I always think that myself is complicated. I even sometimes don't understand myself or what I'm thinking. My mind is a mess and I can't find someone with a mind as messy as I am. If only I could ask my future self on what to do with life and how to survive...
but it doesn't work that way, honey.
So for now I'll just keep on trying and let these storm pass. I believe that God has a plan, and my questions in this chapter of life will be answered in the next. One day, this post will be something to laugh at. Because this quarter life crisis, too, shall pass.

Thank you for being here and listening to (well, reading) my random rambles.
u da best.

And here is a poem by Rumi to close this post tonight.

Do you think I know what I'm doing?
That for one breath or half-breath I belong to myself?
As much as a pen knows what it's writing,
or the ball can guess where it's going next.

Friday, November 10, 2017

Things I wish I could tell my younger self -- No.1

Dear, my younger self

You will discover a lot of new things when you grow up. You may like some and hate some, but remember to always be true to yourself.
Please, remember that you don't have to like what everybody else's liking and you don't have to hate what they're hating. People see beautiful things differently so you don't have to try so hard to fit in.
Please, don't be afraid to be different.
Please, don't be afraid to be unique.
You will never influence the world by trying to be like it.

a slightly older you.

Tuesday, October 24, 2017

Vanilla sky.

It's okay, you know -- to take a pause.
To stop for a moment.
Paying attention to small yet beautiful things around you that you haven't had a chance to notice.
Like sitting on a rooftop, breathing in the sunset.
Admiring how the sky changes color so beautifully.

then purple,
and a little bit of orange and peach in the horizon.

And the pink clouds. The soft pink clouds.

The sky must tastes sweet like vanilla.

Enjoy it while it lasts and be grateful.
Take this time to comprehend
that the good things in life aren't things.

Saturday, August 26, 2017

It's her life.

everyday she sees her life
in fade away, and pass her by
what can she do
what can she do

lives in dreams and self-told lies
she saw world through jaded eyes
what can she do
what can she do

(pieces of lyrics from Two Feet's song, Her Life,
which kind of describing my life right at this moment.
Final project deadline is coming, people.)

Tuesday, August 15, 2017

Photograph: A door to the past.

So last June, when I went back to Kalimantan for Eid, I found a film camera (Espio 80v) hanging around and unused. There was already a film loaded but only a few were used. I think I've already used it in the past but I forgot and left it in Kalimantan. So I took some more photos to test out the camera. Then I developed the film. Most of the photos turn out blank and the colors are faded because of the expired film, but there are a few that actually turn to decent photographs. 4 of them are photographs of my mother and father. For a split second I felt my heart ache a little before warm fuzzies rushed in. My eyes are suddenly teary. Maybe because I miss them so much and those photos cured my longing for a little bit. Eventhough it's blurry and the color's all faded and grainy, I really love it.

Those photos make me realize that it's already one and a half year since my father passed away and he's still my number one motivation. I can't see him anymore but these photographs open the door to the past. That's the great thing about photography, it freezes moments. Seeing those photos at a time like this is like a little surprise from Allah. While I do my final project, there are times when I feel really down and everything seems so hard. The closer I am to my bachelor degree, the bigger pressure I got. So these photos are like a reminder for me to always try my best like my parents always did for me. Bismillah.